Michelle “Bombshell” McGee

The Charge: Causing everyone in the entertainment community to start believing in an “Oscar curse.”

For the Prosecution:
Class act and former quaint mid-westerner, Michelle “Bombshell” McGee grew up in a quiet Amish town in Ohio. She got her first tattoo on her back at 15, which she kept concealed. Our money is on a Tweety Bird. Then, at the age of 16 she reportedly flew the proverbial coop for California, and began a long ink-filled decent before landing (literally) on the lap of scandal. It is being reported while 70% of her body has been inked, her tattoo-bare soul has been reserved for white power main man himself, Adolph “One And a Half Balls” Hitler. But let’s back up a bit.

According to recent reports, McGee left her Amish town and family behind around the time other children are starring in their own grotesquely lavish reality series portraying their sweetest-16- of birthdays. As a (escapee?) former member of the Amish community, McGee was subsequently shunned by the rest of her tv/internet/newspaper/automobile lacking community. (Lucky them.) This includes her parents (good thing), friends from her childhood, and all family pets who might be shamed by her actions. Leaving her simple, possibly Aryan-only life behind, McGee began working as a tattoo model, amassing a series of tattoos and a loyal following of creeps in the process. During this time, McGee also managed to birth two children, one of reportedly Jewish decent believed to be named Elijah. Most Jewish people know him as the flake who never shows up at their Seders despite careful planning and an extra place setting. Miraculously, the mother of two's stomach shows no hints of distorted tattoos or stretch marks. In 2009, after reaching out to West Coast Choppers for a reported “modeling” job, McGee was put in touch directly with Vanilla Gorilla himself, Jesse James. From there, she began what she claims (unevenly) to have been a torrid 11-month affair with James at his garage. McGee now alleges that James’ marriage to Oscar winner Sandra Bullock was a sham for press, and that her tryst with the well-endowed auto-man was one as well. TWIST! Stay tuned.

The Verdict:
Tattoos McGee is guilty, guilty I say!

The Sentence:
This Court sentences Michelle McGee to a Aaron Neville-esque phallic sword facial tattoo on her face. Left cheek, please. Let’s keep this consistent.

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