Amy Jade Winehouse

The Charge: Being too slam-tastic drunk to dress herself, let alone anyone else.

For the Prosecution: After the commercial and critical success of her 2003 debut album Frank in her native England, Winehouse crossed the pond, and over to the dark side when she followed up with 2006’s Back to Black. While initial reports and attention were on Winehouse’s vocal talent and unique sound, the fact that hit single "Rehab" was more autobiographical than deliciously cheeky soon became apparent in the tabloids. In the months that followed, coverage of the embattled popstar became not about her many crowning achievements, but of her crowning local blokes in pubs with her tiny fists of fury. Winehouse was photographed on many occasions shirtless, or wearing blood soaked ballet slippers and unable to walk under her own power. Contrary to the beliefs voiced in her hit single, there are some things that eclipse the teachings of Mr. Hathaway. Coupled with an on-again, off-again relationship with her drug-laden spouse Blake Fielder-Civil, Winehouse quickly found a place in our hearts as that “insanely talented British singer who is clearly batsh*t crazy.” And now she’s trying to design clothing.

The Verdict:
Ugh, she's fallen down again, could someone please pick her up and tell her she's guilty?

The Sentence:
This court hereby sentences Amy Winehouse to less wine, no clothing design, and lots more microphone time. And to buy new shoes.

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